Lefty Begone - Week in Review: August 13

August 17, 2012

Monday, August 13 - Vice Presidential candidate Paul Ryan was giving a speech at the Iowa State Fair when a typically violent liberal climbed up on the stage. She was grabbed by police before she could do anything to Ryan, but according to the police, she had also just punched a volunteer. I wonder who she’s voting for.

Imagine the non-stop media coverage if a Romney-supporter did this during a bumbling Joe Biden speech. The woman would have been called a domestic terrorist, as Biden calls Tea Partiers.

Look for similar incidents to occur more regularly at the hands of Democrats this election season. Their violence will be worse than it was during the 2008 and 2010 campaigns. And should Romney-Ryan win? There will be looting and rioting in the streets and storefronts smashed. Mark my words.

Tuesday, August 14 - Joe Biden was giving a speech in Virginia to an audience of a significant portion of blacks, and he said, “[Mitt Romney] said in the first 100 days, he’s going to let the big banks once again write their own rules, unchain Wall Street. They’re going to put y’all back in chains.”

Yes, Mitt Romney is going to put Biden’s black audience back in chains. Republicans want to bring back slavery. They freed the slaves, but now they want to enslave them again. If you don’t vote for Obama-Biden, you’ll be put back in chains. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

Honestly, at what point is Romney allowed to sue the Obama campaign for slander?

Ol’ Joe then ended his incendiary speech by closing with, “[W]ith you, we can win North Carolina again!” Remember, he said this in Virginia. With the help of Virginians, Obama can win North Carolina. This, according to the media, is one of the many things that make Joe “lovable,” though, not stupid. Like a deranged great-uncle or something.

Wednesday, August 15 - A crazed liberal who used to volunteer at an LGBT community center opened fire at the Family Research Council headquarters in D.C. Except you wouldn’t know that he was a liberal because the media is telling us he was a conservative. Apparently the fact that the gunman had a Chick-fil-A bag on his person outweighs the fact that when a security guard took the man’s gun away, he pleaded, “Don’t shoot me, it was not about you, it was what this place stands for.”

Lesson to be learned from liberals: You are defined by your lunch, not by your beliefs.

On a lighter note, Joe Biden came out to explain his “back in chains” remark, saying he meant to say “unshackled.” That’s right, he meant to say, “They want to put ya’ll back in unshackled.”

I really want someone to stick suction cups to his skull so I can see his brain activity in real-time.

Thursday, August 16 - Still no official statement from our president on the FRC shooting.

Arizona Governor Jan Brewer signed an executive order nullifying Obama’s executive order on granting amnesty to certain illegal immigrants because she’s a BAMF.

Friday, August 17 - Tom Morello, the guitarist for Rage Against the Machine—and, sincerely, one of the greatest guitarists alive—doesn’t like Paul Ryan. “Paul Ryan’s love of Rage Against the Machine is amusing,” he said, “because he is the embodiment of the machine that our music has been raging against for two decades….Ryan claims that he likes Rage’s sound, but not the lyrics. Well, I don’t care for Paul Ryan’s sound or his lyrics.”

Ooh-hoo-hooo, burrrrn.

He continued: “[Ryan] can like whatever bands he wants, but his guiding vision of shifting revenue more radically to the one percent is antithetical to the message of Rage.”

Well, good. Now that I know what Tom Morello—professional capitalist, mansion-residing, personal-gardener-hiring, benefactor of the “machine” he rages against—thinks about Paul Ryan, I can sleep, mind at rest and heart content.

And the jobs report now shows that the unemployment rate of 44 states has gone up this month. At least the other 13 states were spared this month from the Obama economy.