Selling Indulgences for the Forgiveness of Environmental Sins

September 26, 2012

You can’t read it, but the bumper sticker on the car’s left side says “This car’s CO2 balanced by TerraPass.”

Okay, so the driver’s an environmentally religious nut. Fine. But what is TerraPass?

I looked it up, and it’s some company that calculates your carbon footprint for you and tells you how much money you should give them if you want to offset that footprint. In other words, it lets you engage in whatever terra-sins you want to, but you get a pass because you bought terra-indulgences reminiscent of the Catholic Church in medieval times, a true testament to the religiosity of today’s environmental zealots.

I calculated my carbon footprint for my house alone (which is to say that I didn’t bother with the carbon footprint of my driving since I didn’t have certain information required for calculation). Here’s the result:

You’re welcome, plants. I give you 19 tons of carbon dioxide per year. I’m like single-handedly keeping trees alive. I’m awesome.

And how much does TerraPass want me to pay them so that they can “offset” this sin I commit against plants (the sin of life)? $226.

So this dirt-worshiping clown driving the exorcized SUV in the picture above paid who knows what obscene price, all for the sole purpose of feeling better about himself. That’s it. A multi-hundred-dollar bumper sticker.

And that is the essence of the purpose the “green” movement: to feel superior; to live free of guilt; to avoid sinning against Gaia unless the sin is accompanied by the deposit of alms into the collection plate. In this case, the collection plate is provided by TerraPass.