Friday, September 21 - A typical Friday in the Muslim world. Nineteen killings, 195 woundings in Pakistan. All part of the “Day of Love for the Prophet Muhammad” endorsed by the Pakistani government. Sounds like a riot, don’t it? These are the people we give approximately $1.5 billion-with-a-“b” to.
Mitt Romney released his 2011 tax returns, showing he paid an effective tax rate of 14.1 percent and donated more than twice that amount to charity, the evil bastard. He also deducted less than he could have, which means he voluntarily paid more taxes than he was required, the greedy money-hoarder.
Joe Biden, to a roomful of college athletes: “Guess what, the cheerleaders in college are the best athletes in college. You think I’m joking, they’re almost all gymnasts, the stuff they do on hard wood, it blows my mind.” There’s no joke here; that’s it. Seriously, if Mitt Romney gets elected, can he please keep Joe Biden around in some capacity? Maybe give him a little fez cap and put him on a chain attached to an organ grinder, take him to the streets every now and then? Romney would make a killing. It could help pay down our debt.
Saturday, September 22 - Some new-age knucklehead named Honestly-Who-Cares jumped from the tram going above the Siberian tiger cage at the Bronx Zoo to, according to him, “be one with” the tiger. He and the 400-lb. tiger did indeed become one when the tiger collected the man’s rag doll torso into its jaws and proceeded to chew, mangle, and maul. Unfortunately the tiger’s Hippie Meal was taken away from him before he could really do any consuming, allowing the man to grace us with this beautiful message: “I got to pet the tiger.”
To keep things political, I now make an analogy: The tiger den and all things therein represent the past four years under Obama, and the idiot pre-jump represents all those who voted for Obama in 2008. They think they’re going to get something great, they get screwed, and then, post-jump (four years later), bloodied and altogether effed up, they say, “This is amazing! More!”
Sunday, September 23 - This day marked 100 days left until the largest tax increase in American history hits us. Voting for Obama? Then you’ll take it and you’ll like it.
Obama was on 60 Minutes and stated at one point, “As president I bear responsibility for everything, to some degree….” Bold words, Mr. President. They remind me of other famous words in history:
“Give me liberty or give me death. But preferably liberty.”
“A rising tide lifts all boats, unfortunately.”
“Ask not what your country can do for you; ask what you can do for your country, or whatever.”
Monday, September 24 - “[I]n a post-presidency,” said our pop-culture President on The View while not meeting with Israel’s Netanyahu, “the thing that I think I would enjoy most is spending time working with kids. I love teaching”—read: lecturing—“I miss teaching, and you know, I’m not sure it would necessarily be in a classroom”—thank God, keep him away from our children—“but the idea of being able to go around in various cities and helping to create mentorships, and apprenticeships, giving young people the sense of possibility and opportunity, and using whatever spotlight I can shine to show how much incredible talent there is out there.” This is all merely a cuddly way of saying he wants to go back to rabble-rousing as a community organizer.
Meantime, Obama’s pal and certified madman, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad (holy crap, I spelled it right the first try! No red underline!) was being powdered with makeup in a dressing room in preparation for appearing on Piers Morgan’s show on CNN. I didn’t watch it, but I assume Ahmadinejad was promoting his latest paranormal romance novel, Jew Slaughter for Your Love. I hear it’s a real page-turner, about a very prepubescent girl, much like the Prophet Mohammed’s six-year-old wife Aisha, who is kidnapped by a band of bloodsucking Jews who ravage the poor child in their sewer dwellings. Spoiler alert: the heroes of the story—a ragtag team of were-Iranians who are hairy beasts most of the time but turn into wolves during full moons—catch up to the Jews, behead them all, and then stone the girl to death for having the nerve to get raped. Granted, Ahmadinejad needs to work on his happy endings but, admittedly, he does have a gift for beautiful prose.
Tuesday, September 25 - There’s something going on with football refs and unions or something like that, but my feelings towards sports very closely mirror my feelings for liberals. So the only way to get me to even mention sports is if I’m writing, say, a “Week in Review” piece and there happened to be absolutely nothing in the news that day other than some boring football crap that I will not even bother trying to understand or finding a link to post here for reference.
Wednesday, September 26 - The President of Libya said the US Embassy attack and the death of Ambassador J. Christopher Stevens had “nothing to do with” the anti-Islamic film liberals keep blaming those events on. So any day now we should be hearing a deeply apologetic statement from President Obama, Hillary Clinton, et al, for peddling that false narrative as a way of excusing their failed Middle East policy of reaching out and praising Islamists. It’s never a good sign when foreign leaders are more honest with us than our own.
Thursday, September 27 - Because President Obama so badly does not want to meet with Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, he tagged Hillary Clinton to do the honors instead. Netanyahu was none the wiser, thankfully, because Clinton wore an Obama Halloween mask. Everybody wins: we don’t offend Israel, and Obama doesn’t have to be in the same room with a man he and his Islamist buddies loathe.