Friday, October 12 - Jay Carney received a lot of questions during the daily press briefing about Libya in the wake of the vice presi-blah-blah-blah LINDSAY LOHAN ENDORSED MITT ROMNEY. To be fair, though, she thought Mitt Romney was the name of the newest high-quality supplier in Hollywood.
And if you thought sharks were being jumped with the Nobel Committee’s giving Barack Obama the Nobel Peace Prize three hours into his presidency, they have now awarded the 2012 Nobel Peace Prize to 27 different countries in Europe, what I’ll dub for purposes of simplicity the “European Union.” The head of the Nobel Committee, a fella named Thorbjørn, said it was awarded as a form of encouragement. They want Europe to continue moving away from “extremism and nationalism.” So it was basically awarded based on the same criteria they used to justify Obama’s award: they wanted Obama to bring peace, so they awarded him preemptively. If history repeats itself, this means that the European Union will within a few short years join together to bomb the ever-living out of someone. But I like the committee’s methodology. It should be employed by the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences, and they should announce tomorrow that they are awarding the 2015 Oscar for Best Actor to Will Farrell because it will encourage him from here until then to try and be a good actor.
Saturday, October 13 - Today was National No Bra Day, a day which was begun by feminists as a way of showing the “patriarchy” that it can’t keep women down by making them hide their bodies. And on that very first No Bra Day, the patriarchy thanked their lucky stars that feminists were so stupid as to think forgoing bras wouldn’t lead to objectification. As with all good intentions of liberals, National No Bra Day has had the precise opposite effect it was intended to have. Ah, liberal incompetence!
Sunday, October 14 - Margaret Thatcher’s birthday. For your viewing pleasure, Madame Prime Minister…in a tank:
Longtime Republican-turned-Democrat Senator Arlen Specter died of non-Hodgkins lymphoma today.
Monday, October 15 -There’s a feud going on between two of the newest American Idol judges, the grossly sexy Mariah Cary and the sexily gross Nicki Minaj, and America has been dying to know: What does President Obama think about it? And God bless us all, he called into the radio show of somebody (a nobody) named Michael Yo, and Mr. Yo posed the question to the President. Obama answered that he’s confident the two women will sort things out, and then he gave us the BS line, “I’m all about bringin’ people together.” Though I guess I shouldn’t be so harsh on the man; maybe bringing people together is what he does in his own private time—you know, when he’s not pitting blacks against whites, the poor against the rich, women against men, IRS agents against Catholics, the economy against growth, and Big Bird against Republicans.
Probably not related at all, a new poll today from Gallup/USA Today shows Mitt Romney is 5 percentage points ahead of President Obama among “likely voters,” and tied with Obama among “likely female voters”—in swing states. It has induced panic in Team Obama, as it should, because daaaaang!
Sec. of State Hillary Clinton, in Peru, took responsibility for the lack of security in Libya, which lack ultimately led to the death of four Americans, including our Libyan ambassador. Her goal in saying this was ostensibly to help protect Obama—and yet there’s no good outcome from this for Obama. So her real goal was probably to hurt Obama’s re-election campaign so that she can run for president against sitting Republican president—Romney. Because, see, Obama is now cornered: he either fires Clinton for denying the requested extra security that led to American deaths, or he keeps her aboard. If he fires her, it causes a dramatic change for the administration only three weeks before the election, and it makes the severity of the scandal more obvious. If he keeps her in his administration, then it’s obvious he’s just protecting someone who deserves to be fired, if not put on trial. And that’s not good either. All this to say, I can’t wait for tomorrow’s debate!
Tuesday, October 16 - The night of Presidential Debate Number Two, and the general consensus is that it was a tie. And while it may have been a tie, that’s still very impressive when considering that it was two against one: moderator Candy Crowley and the President vs. Mitt Romney. Seems Obama performs much better in debates when he has a moderator to pick him up and blow on his booboos when he stumbles, and to duct-tape Romney’s mouth shut when Obama interrupts him. It was still fun, though, to see Romney ask Obama direct questions and to see Obama flounder answering them. I definitely appreciated the strength it showed in Romney.
However, inasmuch as Obama and Romney in their second debate last night came tantalizingly close to engaging in fisticuffs, but alas only teased us with that possibility, the debate was an overall disappointment and bore.
Wednesday, October 17 - A new Gallup poll has Mitt Romney at 51 percent and President Obama at 45 percent among likely voters. I actually want Obama’s approval to jump two points so that he gets 47 percent of the vote. How sweet that would taste!
Thursday, October 18 - That Gallup poll mentioned above? It now has Mitt Romney at 52 percent, with Obama still at 45. So either the debate victory for Obama being much touted in the media was not a victory at all, or Americans are so racist that upon seeing a black man win a debate, they realized, “Whoa, now, he could actually win the election. We better put him in his place.” My guess? Racism. Definitely racism.
Obama, to show America that he is one with the common man, sends his daughters to a posh private school, as we all know. The school was evacuated today when a “suspicious package” was discovered. Uh-oh, they’ve discovered Obama’s stimulus sham!
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