Friday, October 19 - While President Obama was having a pressing jobs- and security-related meeting on a taped showing of Jon Stewart’s program, he said of the four Americans killed in the Libya attacks a month and a half ago, “If four Americans get killed, it’s not optimal.” Today, in the UK’s Daily Mail, because you can’t find this sort of thing in the corrupt American media, the mother of one of the slain men said, “It’s insensitive to say my son is not very optimal. He is also very dead.”
Saturday, October 20 - Reports abound today that the White House has finally gotten Iran to sit down and have a little chat about their nuclear program—but after the election, of course. We wouldn’t want to rush into stopping a maniacal regime from building apocalypse missiles.
In more serious news, Sandra Fluke gave a speech today in Reno, NV, campaigning for Obama, drawing a crowd of tens of people. Like, literally, there were ten people there. Sources say that there was initially a larger crowd in attendance, but that they all got sick to their stomachs and fled when Miss Fluke demonstrated how to wear a condom by putting one over the microphone with her mouth. With the phallic object lodged firmly in the entrance of her esophagus, it was hard to understand her when she invoked President Nixon: “I AM NOT A SLUT! I AM NOT A SLUT!”
Sunday, October 21 - Former Democratic presidential candidate George McGovern died today.
Both the Iranian and Obama regimes are denying yesterday’s report that the United States has gotten Iran to come to the table to talk about their nuclear program. So I guess we’re back to, yes, Iran is still seeking Armageddon, thanks to Obama’s “extended hand” approach.
Monday, October 22 - A 71-year-old dude in Florida went to a Democratic Party headquarters and threw a buttload of pennies at it, saying it was all he had left after being taxed by Obama. He was arrested and posted a thousand-dollar bail, but he’s probably thinking, “Totally worth it.”
The third and final debate tonight was much like the second one in that it was inconsequential. Conservatives and liberals alike seem to think that while Obama won, Romney didn’t lose like he needed to in order for an Obama victory. A Frank Luntz focus group (which I’m usually wary of) had 25 of the 27 people saying that while Obama did win this debate, they are still going to vote for Romney. And the large majority of these people voted for Obama in 2008. And in order for Romney to have lost this debate, he would have had to lose big, which he didn’t. My favorite line of the night? It was Romney’s turn, and Obama, as usual, interrupted him, provoking Romney to say, “I’m still speaking.” Love that. Just…just golden.
Tuesday, October 23 -MS/NBC’s Chuck Todd today said something quite lovely: “Look, the president’s got bigger problems than trying to disqualify Mitt Romney now; the president has to re-qualify himself for a second term.” Quite the admission.
The Obama campaign sent out an email to those on his mailing list. The opening line confidently reads, “I don’t want to lose this election.” Yet another area in which Obama’s desires and the desires of the country at large are incompatible.
Also, TWO WEEKS TILL ELECTION DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wednesday, October 24 - The brilliant guerrilla journalist James O’Keefe made an undercover video of the son of Rep. Jim Moran (D-Va.), who was helping with his father’s campaign. In it, Moran is seen and heard conspiring to help commit voter fraud in Virginia. Wait…no, wait, nevermind, ignore that. Voter fraud doesn’t exist, no matter what those racist Republicans say! In less than 24 hours of the video’s release, Moran (the son) resigned from his father’s campaign. You’ve been O’Keefed, boy!
Donald Trump today offered to donate $5 million to the charity of Obama’s choice—any charity at all—if Obama unseals his passport records and college transcripts. Of course Obama will not oblige The Donald, which begs the question: What could possibly be in Barack Obama’s passport records and college transcripts that would make him want to deprive these women and children from $5 million?
Obama was on Jay Leno last night and he actually said the words, “These financial institutions are in [it] to make money and that’s why we need some smart regulations,” because he’s a Marxist. Okay? He’s…a…Marxist.
Thursday, October 25 - Colin Powell today says he will vote for President Obama in November, just as he did in 2008*. Of course, this time around it has absolutely nothing to do with racial camaraderie—oh, no—this time, he asks us to believe, it’s because Obama’s done a good job as President!
*He actually refused to say who he was voting for in 2008, but since not one McCain voter from last time around is voting for Obama this time around, we know who Powell voted for back then too.
Another endorsement came today, this time from Billy Graham and this time for Mitt Romney. It was Billy Graham’s first presidential endorsement. Romney’s got Billy Graham; Obama’s got Billy Ayers. We win.